


Christmas Agents

by greenponytailedmale



Category: DanPlan
Genre: Action, Adventure, Drama, Emotional Baggage, Fantasy, M/M, Manipulation, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2020-12-28 07:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21132737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenponytailedmale/pseuds/greenponytailedmale
Summary: "Stephen! Jay! The eggnog is ready and we aren't going to wait for you to stop throwing snowballs at the pOOR KID FUDGING STOOOOPPP!!!" Daniel called out loudly from the wooden cabin porch with a giant bowl of eggnog. Hosuh was sitting cozily on the wooden swing on the other end of said porch drinking hot cocoa in a grey turtleneck- thick sweatpants and converse. Finally, the kid finally broke and started crying for their mom- and Stephen and Jay both merrily skipped to Daniel. "As professional spies you both are making US look like the goshdarn joke you assholes."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> all of this is entirely fictional, any ships involved in this series will be very light and won't go beyond kissing and hugging- save the smut for another day because you surely wouldn't like having fiction written about you doing u n h o l y intercourse with your friends now do you? so don't do it I swear to garlic bread.

"alL I wANt fOr chRiStmAs iS youUUUuUUUUu~~~!!!!" the duo drunkenly sang together in the living room with the other agents whom were enjoying some eggnog and chatting merrily. Daniel groaned at the two as he sipped some hot cocoa. "Hosuh, do you think we should've let them have all of the beer for themselves?" He asked Hosuh, whom was sitting casually beside him on the red fluffy couch. "I mean... I guess they're enjoying it???" he answered with a confused grin.

Well, the poor agents don't really have any time to celebrate the real christmas because the main four has to finish some other mafia case somewhere in europe- so Bella, Mona, Ivu, and all the others have decided to throw an early christmas party so they can atleast get that out of the way. It is extravagant with vibrant christmas lights sloppily draped in areas around the house and of course the overdecorated christmas tree with a bright star ontop, loud christmas music, karaoke, drinks and a large dinner table with a large multitude of food.

Many of the other agents dancing joyfully and drunkenly in a very unorthodox _""harmony""_. Jay and Stephen dominating the living room with their _very, very beautiful singing. _"hoSuHhhH jOin uS iT'lL be fUn~~~~!!!" Stephen slurred as he draped an arm around Hosuh flimsily, in which he pushed him away. Drunk Stephen was not a very great Stephen to hang around. "I'm starting to get very concerned with their alcohol usage...." he mumbled quietly as he took off his hair tie and dropping it on the table for no particular reason but to flex his smooth, silky, hair on the others as he flipped it magestically, accidentally hitting Daniel's face. 

"Ach- your hai-"

"Oh frick I'm sorry! I'm so sorry I'm so sorry-"

Daniel sighed with a soft grin on his face. Despite Hosuh not being a canadian citizen himself, he sure acted like one- despite both of them fully knowing that he dosen't exactly need to apologize that much. 

"BRRIIING!!!! BRRRRIIIIINGGG!!!"

He scrambled inside his pockets, trying to navigate his way thru to get his phone. "Ah, wait, I'm going to take this- stay here and make sure those two don't try stealing Jamie's hot pockets." Daniel quickly hurried outside with that dumb mistletoe dangling from above, glad he didn't have anybody else with him- he took out his phone and called the number. "This is your superior talking, have you prepared for the mission in Sicily? I have been reminding you since March first." a deep, authoriative voice spoke firmly. Daniel's body started to tense, he knew he and the others have prepared, but the deepness and coldness in his voice always sent chills down his spine.

"Ahm, uh, yes- sir! Me and my partners have been packing our luggage and will be there at the terminal on November twenty three! Like we planned."

"Adorable, get your partners there right now at the airport, this mission needs to be done sooner than I thought. My bad."

_'what????????'_ his mind filled with worry, oh God oh God what is it now why do we have to be so early oh fudge oh fudge p l e a s e don't be like that orca mission back then oh GOD-w-wait, maybe he's just trying to make it earlier so we can spend the rest of christmas with friends?? Nope- dosen't sound like it, aghhhhhh!!!! "U-um, sir, can you tell me why?" he asked nervously. It didn't seem to yield any answers as his boss hung up a second later.

_ **oh fuckkkkkkk** _


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hint : he's not who you think he is 👀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't established such an important element in this story yet, ahh lmfao too late. Remember the fantasy tag over there? That's going to be very, very relevant in this story.
> 
> [[ also, if you haven't guessed by the very different lives they lead, this is an au. thanks sherlock!

_"buon vinutu!"_

Stephen dropkicks the door down, jumps to the bed and hugs the ever living hell out of it. "I have never felt this jetlagged in any mission ever since Russia ho l y c r a p-" he stated dizzily as he hugged the pillows tighter and tighter whilst crying. "Stephen, you uncooked piece of bacon! Your sneakers are getting the hotel sheets dirty!" Daniel groaned as he laid his flats on the shoerack like a great asian example. Jay laid his violincase beside his bed drowsily as he slowly started collapsing onto it.

Hosuh was unpacking his luggage peacefully as Daniel scolds the two for being...pretty much incompetent. He thought he was the mom friend, but, oh well. He takes out a shiny jet black suitcase inside and puts it aside as he shuffles thru more stuff. Mints, first aid kit, disguise, soap, and even more. He picks up the suitcase and strolls casually to the three with his silver hair untied and messy. "Has everybody else gotten their briefcases?" he asks tiredly, bags under his eyes.

Jay raises his lazily and Stephen dosen't even try as Daniel pointed to his. "Agh... I guess I'll be the first to open mine. You.. sleep I guess." he sighs deeply as he opens it wide open. It consists of an umbrella, a book, a silver watch, multiple cookies in numerous ziploc bags, fancy cologne, an amethyst ring, and gloves. He locks it quickly and lays it down on the floor beside his bed.

.

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.

"We don't know who it is. They say the blood was mixed somehow with atleast four thousand other people... somehow. So they're having a tough time finding out who it is and how that happened. We do know where he is though through months of researching and tracking. Palermo, Ballaro Street Market. Descriptions describe him with dark poofy-like hair and glasses. It's all we have for now. But... it's very likely that Jo is the culprit and-" Daniel hangs up immediately. Mixed blood....mixed blood......

"Daniel? Are you okay? Why are you staring at the wall like that??" Hosuh shaked him repeatedly, worried to death, like a scared mother. Dan's eyes were neutral and emotionless. "Ballaro...Street...." he mumbled quietly as he picked up his clothing and went to the bathroom in a heavier manner than usual. Hosuh sighs, dejected, he shakes Stephen awake. "Rise and shine!" his baggy eyes made him seem as if he hadn't slept at all. "Na."

"We're on a mission."

"So?"

"The world's going to get destroyed if you don't wake up.

"It's my job to do that though."

"You-"

"OUR job." Jay corrected with a smile as he sat up his bed. Hosuh's face was slowly spiralling into despair as he had to parent these grown men throughout the entire duration of this mission. The nerve these guys have! "Where we going?" Stephen asked lazily as he rubbed his eyes. "I.. didn't exactly hear Daniel all that well, but it's the Ballaro street market I think!" Hosuh answered. "Where is he then?" Hosuh averted his attention to the ground. "Well, he's been acting really fishy earlier... he's in the bathroom!"

"Huh..." Stephen jumped out of his bed and stretched. "That piece of human garbage will recover." he giggled. Hosuh facepalmed, Stephen should be atleast a little bit more considerate of his feelings! W-well, he does come from a village in Austria literally called "Fucking", and Jay comes from a town in England called "Cockermouth", b-but still! Daniel returned with a lighter expression, as if nothing had ever happened. "Daniel! Are you okay? What was that about?"

"Oh, just the morning haze. Who's ready to kick... butt!" he exclaimed with a huge grin. Hosuh's eyebrows still didn't believe him, you can see right through the guy! But... then again, his mind control powers are pretty scary, so nope! Hosuh's a healer, but he can't heal himself when he can't control his actions himself now can't he? "Y-yeah!" he giggled. "I'll see you in a few minutes outside!"

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

Hosuh staggered outside of the exquisitely designed luxury hotel in a rush, as he desperately tried to find his partners. Down to his perfectly polished shoes, to his grey cotton shirt and blue fluffy scarf made of the finest synthetic furs. And to his perfectly groomed hair and stylish pants. He practically blended in with the other fashionable men and women with their impeccable sense of fashion.

"Get in loser we're going shopping!"

Could that be...? He sobbed in happiness and bolted to the noise, and eventually saw that purple mohawk and two other dudes in the vast parking lot. "Uwaaah I've been looking for you all for ages!" He rolled his eyes with a small grin as he started up the car. "It's only been two minutes, Hosuh. Sorry to leave you in the room alone earlier. Not." he stated bluntly as he proceeded to run over a bunch of other cars in the parking lot.

"Go gettem!"

"Don't encourage him!"

"o h n O"

"righTrRIGHTRIGHT-"

"GOLEFT"

the car turned into a catastrophic mess of "go left!!!" and "go right!!!" and "j U ST FOLLOW THE GPS I'M B E G G I N G YOU" as said car started spinning in circles and hitting other cars nearby. In Italy, this was a normal occurence as most italians don't exactly care about basic traffic laws, but it dosen't go THIS far for a normal day. Thankfully nobody got run over, but he wishes he had. The messed up car swishes into the busy market and the four dashingly exit the poor car and make their way inside the area.

"Oooh! Daniel can I buy this?" Jay asks as he points to one of the food isles. "This is the 40,852,729th time you've asked me this, and for the last damn time. No. We can't afford distracting ourselves." he answered sternly. Jay looks away and makes a pouty face.

"Hmph. Then I'll steal it."

"No!"

"D'you really think we're going to find him 'ere? You haven't even told us what he looks like yet!" Stephen exclaimed. Daniel takes a deep breath and sighs. Regaining his composure. "The prime suspect is Jo. Because ""apparently"" he fits the description of some bigshot mafia guy." he answered saltily, crossing his arms. The other three sigh in acceptance and confusion as they walked further and further into the market, not seeming to find a single trace of this guy.

.

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Still nothing

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Maybe he's already gone?

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I better get a good vacation for this.

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"Hey, have you guys been feeling a little... strange?" Hosuh asked nervously. The others shrugged and continued tredging through the market. Until.... they finally saw him. Happily buying potatoes and minding his own business. "There!" he pointed at him and started bolting at him at full speed. "W-wait! Daniel!!!"

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" Even when you try, I will always be hiding  
Let those fools run, I will still be here  
In this poem, you shall be finding  
Although this seems cryptic-  
Sentences prove, I was always there. "


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 👀👀👀

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀👀👀

"Jo, Is that you...?"  
  
In his plain white shirt and rolled up sleeves paired with denim pants and jacket with sewn in golden-esque intricate patterns on the bottom parts, and his small red earrings and red flats. His face immediately lights up as he turns around and sees the familiar face. "Daniel!" he exclaimed excitedly. He nearly drops his bag of freshly bought food.  
  
"Eyy! It's so nice to meet you here man! Such a coincidence!" he hugged Dan tightly with a huge grin. And Dan just... stood there. Nothing like him, he has always been very sociable and friendly, why is he so cold all of a sudden? "Is there something wrong...?" he asked, concerned. "Did you do it?" Dan asked, his voice cold and deep. Jo's eyes widen, brows furrowing.  
  
"Daniel!!! You left us back there!!!" Jay shouted at the top of his lungs as his heavy british accent started seeping out slowly but surely, panting heavily as the others followed after him- sweating too.  
  
He adjusted his violincase's strap as it was falling off just a little bit as he was running. "Daniel we've been over this, I can use my music to lure him into the vicinity why did you have to run 50 m i l e s into the fucking street market???? My legs are sore!!!" Jay whispered in his ear, frustrated, somewhat in the manner of a mildly pissed boyfriend.  
  
He grunts, then turns his head to face Jo, grabbing him by his collar harshly with a deathly glare. "I didn't think Dan was telling the truth at all. But... maybe he was correct." he slowly opened his eyes as Jo started pushing Jay away with all his might, sweating. "Wait wait wait! What's happening? I don't know about anything you guys are talking about!" he shouted in fear, the taller man glaring at him with his left deep blood red eye.   
  
A band of knives suddenly shoot just above his head, hitting into the wall. A wide grin proceeded from the back, long sharpened knives emerging from his exposed skin. "Ey! Let me join the party too." The smell of sweat and blood trickles from them, making him feel even smaller compared to them, he backs off to a corner slowly. Breathing heavily and sweating profusely.  
  
"Get this puss off of me for a sec. You can handle that? We're going to go back once he is handled."  
  
He nodded. Taking a firm grip on Jo, ever so slightly making his knives grow even taller to just scrape off a bit of his chin. Jay turns around to face Daniel, facepalming as he rests a bit on a terrified witness' stand. Daniel puts his poppet back in his pocket along with the needle back in the back of his ear, like a pencil! "You know, sometimes you two can be a bit too overbearing with the entire threatening thing. Sometimes it makes me and Hosuh worry a lot..."  
  
"Hypocrite."  
  
"Excuse me that guy is my friend!"  
  
"A mafioso."  
  
"You motherfudging-"  
  
  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 01100001 01101100 01110100 01110101 01101110 01101001 01110110 01100101 01110010 01110011 01100101 00101111 00110001 00101111 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100101 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100101 00101111 00110001 00101111 00110001 00111000 00111000 00110000 00101111

** _You'll come back for me, right?"_ **

** _"I promise!"_ **

** _._ **

** _._ **

** _._ **

** _._ **   
** _._ **   
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** _._ **   
  
  
  


** _._ **

** _._ **

_ **.** _   
_ **.** _   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ **.** _

_ **"Why did you leave me?"** _


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've finally captured them!"
> 
> "Oh my God you should've... aghh just stuff them... there-"
> 
> "Aye Aye!"

The taste of iron dripped from his mouth, his skin pale, head dizzy. He couldn't make anything out, It is too blurry. Where are glasses when he needs them? They're supposed to help you with your sight- no? He grunts, tied to a heavy iron chain, against the metal walls. Half lidded, he tried to make sense of his surroundings- reconstructing what he thought was there. 

And all he could find was, that there was a shelf... somewhere, and a pistol in the dead center of the room. But, even so, he couldn't even remember why he was there... or why he was there even. What did he possibly do? It is so bizarre, ending up in a place like this- almost reminiscent of a mental asylum with it's structure.

"Hello? Motherfuckers, let me out!"

He shouted, almost instictively. Not giving it a second thought. However, that might've helped a little- that was too much energy with the entire screaming thing. He felt like he was about to faint, even more blood dripping down his chin, lightheaded- he fell to the ground. Hard. Almost at the speed of what would normally cause concussions.

"AGHHHHH!!!!"

There was another distinct voice accompanying him, in the same manner, tone, and pain- but he couldn't care to notice, for he has miraculously not gotten any serious bleeding from it- and all there is was excruciating pain. He himself dosen't even know how he survived that without any brain damage, legitimately. He giggled, "The awesome....!- awesome.... what was my name...?" his eyes widened, he quickly started to shuffle thru his memories in his head- but he couldn't find any.

None with his friends

None with his family

None with his pets

None with his anything

Only words he vaguely remembers from a very very blurry school

He furrows his brows, shutting his eyes tightly as he looks for something- anything, but nothing ever comes to mind. He is blank. He is nothing. He starts shaking, scanning the room as if he were escaping something of true horror. The pistol sits there, doing absolutely nothing. Hello buddy, what the hell are you doing down there? Having fun? Well I'm not. You? You don't have to get chained up to this very inconveniencing situation now do you? Huh? Huh???

He huffs, rolling his eyes at the object. What is it doing there? Why is it there? What's it's purpose? "Stupid fckin-.."

"I can hear you dumbass."

"Who's that?"

"I'm like- down here."

He is somehow even more confused than he was before, he slowly shifts his gaze to the valley girl accent. And there's that stupid pistol again... 

"I can hear your thoughts too."

"Huh?"

"I can like- hear your thoughts too you jerk."

"I think I'm going mad- are you a-"

"Pistol? Yeah I get that alot- like alot."

He takes an even better look at the Heavenly forsaken gun- looks completely normal! It's almost like that... that.... what was... eughh- this mind reading talking gun thing is getting to his nerves. "Why the hell am I in here?" he asks, a little gentler to avoid falling over again. Even without that Goddamn gun having a face it still looks like it's mocking you. "You forgot huh? From what I've seen your other buddies are probs dead, dunno, and for you they're def gonna like- kill you."

" W H A T ??????? "

Now, he didn't exactly know much of who he was, but he didn't exactly want to die locked up with this lump of garbage sitting here eating gunpowder watching him get mutilated. That's legitimately unfortunate. He grumbles in despair and sinks in his pool of pity and shame. "Oh my Gott when I free myself from these I will burn you alive you huankind."


	12. Chapter 12

"News of five men in Sicily gone missin-"

"We have received news-"

"Very troubling!-"

"Canada,Vancouver completely wiped out!-"

"All of China bombed-"

"Terrorist-"

"Mafia scare-"

"America obliterated-"

"Japan completely nuked-"

"Casualties topping WWIII!-"

He switches thru the channels with a soft, small mischevious grin. "So it turns out... your body is very... productive...." his voice as soft as royal silken fabric. He turns around slowly to face the poor man, tied up to the wall with a skin pale, almost as if he dosen't have any blood. Tears rolled down his cheek, he clenched his jaw. "This is cruel-! How do you sleep at night?!" he managed to shriek with his hoarse voice. 

"I don't." he answered sharply, turning away. "But... that bastard deserves his world taken away, as he has taken mine....It is simple justice." His fists turning just as pale as his subject's skin. He gently takes a long, sharp syringe- his skin slowly fading to a slightly darker shade. "Now... I won't look much like you if your blood starts fading out from me- no? Please don't be afraid... it'll only be a pinch..."

"Stop it!"

"Stop it!!!"

"please...."

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He struggled to get the chains off, grunting in pain as the metal scraped off a bit of his skin. His hands red. "Agh.. you're so fricken... useless!" he exclaimed in mild anger. Without even facial expressions, the pistol seemed extremely disheartened, he slowly gave up and sighed. "What's... your name?" he asked. "Huh? You actually- like- care? Uh... it's Britney." of course it is. He thought with an eyeroll. "Hey, you were the one who named me!"

"Oh pfft- so you have any advice with getting out of here or are you just going to remain useless???"

"I mean, before they like- boinked your head with a giant fire extinguisher and did some weird voodoo hypnosis thingy, I watched stuff from your holster and I like- saw our room keycard in some police man's ass."

"Can't you just say in his back pocket? Actually you know what- I like that- keep looking at police men's asses. How'd he look like?"

"Red hair, horns, ear piercings, you know- hottie. Also his face was so-"

"I mean- I don't know if you're supposed to be crushing on enemy policemen but mkay."

The fact that she turned from completely devastated to talking about a hot police man was truly astonishing. He took a better look at his chains, completely lost. "Eugh, so annoying..." he mumbled. He made a joking jerk with his hands, to raise his morale or somethi-

"AAAAGHHHHHH!!!!"

he felt an excruciating pain in his left arm, slowly, flaming metal coming out of his skin, burning the surrounding patches of skin. It was truly painful- with the slow exit of the extremely painful knife slowwwly protruding from his dead skin. "WHAT THE F U CC K-"   
he shouted. And even slower, the burning knife cut off the metal chains with ease. And then, the knife finally finished- and plopped onto the floor along with the chains.

His skin was fine.

Eeexcept for a little scar on his arm.

"Huh? I'm alive...?? That sucks." he groaned, picking up the knife and throwing it across the room with the force of a thousand seas. "That hurt balls, what was that about???" he asked Britney- hoping she knew something, anything. "You do that thing almost eveyday, but I guess since the voodoo thing kinda like- reset your body too you're not exactly used to it." finally, something remotely smart from her. 

He sighed even deeper, regaining composure. Well- atleast he has broken from the chains.. that's progress. He picked Britney up without a single thought and tried shooting the keycard slot open. Failing. "They like- just threw me in here with you without my bullets to just kinda like- torture you." she explained. Steam emitted from his head as he giggled madly- extremely pissed. 

"So what do you suggest we do now, b RI T N EY?"

"Dunno. Using your knife powers?"

"No Britney that shit hurts!"

"Would you like- rather die in here or like- suffer a little and escape?"

He grumbled. She was correct. He had to man up- but I swear, knives protruding from your skin is not very pleasant. He turned away from the keycard slot- and huffed. Huffed as hard as he can. "What are you like- doing?" she asked. "If you could really read my mind you would've already known what I'm doing- panICKING!!!"


	13. Chapter 13

hiatus- sorta

expect the other chapters to change drastically- but I'll be taking a break from making new chapters for a while with this specific story because I want to focus on easier projects I'm very interested in. you guys I thought that writing long stories was easy I'm so used to making short oneshots :'v. 

so ye

expect there to be another story- [[ definitely something Jay and Stephen related ]] a crack fic for sure but it'll help me regain some sanity

g'bye!


End file.
